Bacon lip balm
We all can't resit the smell of bacon, even some vegetarians say they still love and miss the smell of the stuff. Well now you can enjoy that great bacon taste every day, all day, without the risk of suffering a serious heart attack thanks to this bacon flavoured lip balm.
Disclaimer: No responsibility is taken for any injury caused from biting of lips.
Canned unicorn meat
If you ever wanted to destroy a small child's dreams of cute rainbow pooping unicorns, this is the way. Radiant farms in Ireland have done.
In racking our brain to describe this product, we couldn't do any better than what we found on the website uselessthingstobuy.com, enjoy.
Amazing! unicorn meat is real! Excellent source of sparkles! Unicorns, as we all know, frolic all over the world, pooping rainbows and marshmallows wherever they go. What you don't know is that when unicorns reach the end of their lifespan, they are drawn to County Meath, Ireland.
Then, the Sisters at Radiant Farms have dedicated their lives to nursing these elegant creatures through their final days. Taking a cue from the Kobe beef industry, they massage each unicorn's coat with Guinness daily. Also, they fatten them on a diet comprised entirely of candy corn. As the unicorn ages, its meat becomes fatty and marbled and the living bone in the horn loses density in a process much like osteoporosis.
The horn's outer layer of keratin begins to develop a flavour very similar to candied almonds. Blending the crushed unicorn horn into the meat adds delightful, crispy flavour notes in each bite. We are confident you will find a world of bewilderment in every mouthful of scrumptious unicorn meat.
Unfortunately, due to restrictions on the importation of mythical processed meatstuff, we are unable to bring you Canned Unicorn Meat in the way the Sisters of Radiant Farms intended. When you open your can, you will find one tiny unicorn which has been appropriately sliced into its main cuts of meat. Simply use your Growth Ray to re-embiggen the unicorn before skinning it and processing its flesh. Or if you're lazy, just bring it to your local Mad Scientist-Butcher. He'll know what to do.
If product descriptions were like Carlsberg, this would probably be the best product description in the world.
Selfie spoon
Morgan freeman says it all with this one.
We hope if you ever have an idea as stupid as any of these, you think of Morgan Freeman first.
Happy Friday, enjoy your weekend!
